


on and on and on

by supersoldierskywalker



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Canon Compliant, Force-Sensitive Finn (Star Wars), Gen, POV Finn (Star Wars), Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Yes Even That, finn deserves better, fuck rey stan finn, gets pretty ranty, i guess character a rants at character b fics are my brand now, i literally hate her so much, lmao if i hated rey before i read what she did in that...., updated to comply with the bullshit in the novelization, very little background finnpoe, very very not rey friendly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:54:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22854319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supersoldierskywalker/pseuds/supersoldierskywalker
Summary: So as he sat there with Lando, Chewie, and Jannah, all quiet and coming off the adrenaline high of the battle, the thought bumped its way to the forefront of his mind.Rey hadn’t treated him well.Or in which Finn realizes that he deserves better than what Rey put him through.
Relationships: Finn & Jannah (Star Wars), Finn & Leia Organa, Poe Dameron & Finn, Poe Dameron/Finn (background)
Comments: 25
Kudos: 115
Collections: Finn Centric Recommendations





	on and on and on

Finn had thought about it the whole trip back to Ajan Kloss. It had been floating in the back of his mind for the past day or so, but he’d been occupied with locating the Sith Wayfinder, getting Threepio to translate that stupid dagger, rallying the troops, destroying the First Order’s endless fleet of Star Destroyers, coming to terms with his Force sensitivity, and not dying through all of it. But the First Order was gone now. He could sit in the Falcon’s cockpit without worrying about where to escape to next and who they could trust and if they were being tailed or not. For the first time in his life, he could sit and just _be._

So as he sat there with Lando, Chewie, and Jannah, all quiet and coming off the adrenaline high of the battle, the thought bumped its way to the forefront of his mind.

Rey hadn’t treated him well.

He’d hardly seen her the past eight months. Leia (it still hurt to even think her name) had kept him and Poe busy with constant missions, gathering supplies, meeting with allies, a skirmish with a First Order squadron here and there. And Rey was busy training, training, training. They spoke through holos once a week at least, but they slowly had less and less to talk about.

(When Finn had begun to realize that he _felt_ the Force, he hadn’t told Rey. He went to Leia instead, who smiled and told him that she’d had her suspicions about him for a while now. She told him they could begin training the very next day. But then they’d received Palpatine’s message, and his promised trainings were forgotten in the chaos.)

He was genuinely happy to see Rey when he arrived back on Ajan Kloss after that business on the Sinta Glacier Colony, and she seemed happy to see him. By the time he, Rey, Poe, Chewie, BB-8, and Threepio were on the way to Pasaana to begin their search for the Wayfinder, he felt like they’d slipped back into their old easy friendship. Even though Rey had fully intended to go by herself. Even though he’d had to invite himself and the others. She just wanted to protect them, Finn assured himself.

And then…she kept running off. To confront Kylo Ren out in the desert of Pasaana. To get that stupid fucking dagger on Ren’s Star Destroyer while Finn and Poe rescued Chewie. Without a word of explanation, she’d stolen a skiff to retrieve the Wayfinder from the wreckage of the Death Star. Fought Ren on her own. Stole his ship and flew off to Force knew where. She ran away again and again, toward Kylo Ren, away from Finn.

When Finn had tried to reach her while she fought Ren, she’d thrown her hand out and sent him flying back. The impact as he hit the ground jarred him from head to toe, and he barely felt Jannah helping him up as he watched Rey fight Ren with a viciousness he’d never seen before, never looking at Finn. A hole opened up in his chest, and he felt her slipping farther and farther away.

_"All that matters is the Wayfinder, finding Exegol," she’d said to Finn while they repaired the Falcon’s landing gear._

_"That’s what we’re doing," he’d assured her, and turned to find another tool._

_She was quiet for a long moment, and when she spoke, her voice was low and detached. "He killed my mother. And my father. I’m going to find Palpatine. And destroy him."_

_Finn stopped, and put the tool down. He’d always known her to be fierce, and that was one of the things he loved about her, but this…this was a side of her he’d never seen before, and he didn’t like it._

_"Rey, that doesn’t sound like you."_

_She didn’t look at him, or even acknowledged that he’d spoken. He tried again. "Rey, I know you, and I know—"_

_"People keep telling me they know me," she interrupted him, and when she finally looked at him, there was anger in her eyes. "I’m afraid no one does."_

And then she walked away, not looking back at him. Maybe if she had, she would’ve seen his frustration, the way he slammed the toolbox closed and stowed it away, his jaw tight.

No one knew her? They’d drifted apart a bit, sure, but Finn considered Rey one of the most important people in his life. He’d risked his life for her before, countless times, and he’d do it again in a heartbeat. She was one of his best friends. He trusted her implicitly, had her back no matter what, and he figured that she’d had his.

Apparently, she did not.

On the ocean moon of Kef Bir, standing on a broken shard of the Death Star, Finn watched Rey fly away on Kylo Ren’s ship. Hot, angry tears rose to his eyes, and he didn’t bother to wipe them away. He didn’t care if Jannah saw. He watched the ship until it left the atmosphere, and he kept staring at that spot in the sky until Jannah tugged on his sleeve and pointed out that Poe had come to get them on the Falcon. He went with her numbly, and sat at the dejarik table so that Poe wouldn’t see his face and ask what was wrong.

Leia was dead when they got back to Ajan Kloss, and Rey wasn’t there. He cried for the second time that day, mourning the woman he’d come to see as a sort of mother figure. But he had to keep going, for the sake of the galaxy. He and Poe planned their assault on Exegol, and he tried to put both Leia and Rey out of his mind as the Resistance fleet flew toward the Sith planet.

When they were almost there, Poe's voice crackled over Finn's wrist comm. "Finn?"

Something in his voice made Finn get up from his seat. He caught Jannah's questioning look and shrugged apologetically, then ducked out of the cockpit and made his way through the ship’s cargo hold for a more private spot. He settled in the very back, next to one of the orbaks. "Yeah? Is everything all right?"

"Yeah, we're fine. I just wanted to apologize. You know, for the…the stormtrooper comment."

Right. That. It had hurt to have Poe throw that back in his face for no reason, putting a pit in his stomach for the rest of their time on Kijimi. "Go on."

"I'm sorry. I was stressed and tired and I wasn't thinking, but so was everyone else, and that's no excuse for what I said. I'm so, so, _so_ sorry. I should never have said that to you. You're so much more than what you used to be. I don't blame you if you don't want to forgive me. But in case we don't make it through this-"

A chill ran through Finn as his mind suddenly conjured an image of Poe's x-wing crashing to the ground in a ball of flames. "Don't say that."

"-I just don't want there to be any bad blood between us," Poe said, his voice growing soft. "I care about you too much for that."

Finn was quiet for a few moments. He ran his free hand through the orbak’s thick fur as he considered his answer, choosing his words carefully. "I care about you, too. I'm not going to pretend that what you said didn't hurt, and I'm not going to forget about it. But I trust you not to do it again."

"Never. Swear on my mom's grave."

When Poe invoked Shara Bey, he meant it. "Okay. Then I forgive you."

Poe let out a sigh of relief. "Okay. Good. Thank you."

"Hey, Finn?" Finn looked up to see Jannah standing nearby. "We're coming up on Exegol. It's time."

Finn nodded and stood.

"May the Force be with you. All of you," Poe said, as serious as Finn had ever heard him.

Finn smiled slightly at that. He hadn't told Poe about his Force-sensitivity either, and it was a common thing to say, but he was pretty sure that Poe had an idea or two. "Always."

Finn returned to the cockpit with Jannah as they fell out of hyperspace and entered the dark atmosphere of Exegol, and the battle for the fate of the galaxy began.

(And even though Leia’s promised training had not come to pass, and now never would, Finn felt the Force guide him through the battle, showing him the navigation tower on the flagship Star Destroyer, allowing him to anticipate his enemies’ moves. He’d never felt anything like it before. The presence of the Force had always been with him, of course, but this was the first time he consciously felt it and used it. It was incredible.)

And then he’d felt it.

He was suddenly with Rey, in a vast underground chamber, and her presence was cold. He felt her hit the ground, and as he exhaled, the last breath left her.

"No," he’d whispered, pain coursing through him, like he was the one dying. "Rey."

He’d sagged against the wall of the Falcon. The absence of her was overwhelming, suffocating, threatening to drown him.

And then she was suddenly alive again, and Finn could’ve cried again with relief (it was a very emotional day), but then he realized how she’d miraculously come back to life. Kylo Ren was holding her in his arms, having transferred the last of his life force to Rey.

And then she’d kissed the fucker.

She’d kissed him. She’d put her mouth on his. She’d willingly touched that sleazy, awful, disgusting, despicable, good for nothing, vile, rotten, repulsive, worthless excuse for a human being. The man who’d tried to kill her more than once. The man who’d murdered countless beings, who’d stood and done nothing while the First Order destroyed the planets of the New Republic. The man who’d spent the better part of his life gleefully serving the organization that had kidnapped and enslaved Finn and countless others. The man who’d tried to kill Finn, and almost succeeded.

And now, he was realizing, she'd tried to mind trick him.

On Pasaana, when she'd fought Kylo Ren in the desert. As they'd moved to board Ochi's ship, she froze, gazing out over the rocky plateaus on the horizon.

Finn had approached her. "What is it?"

She turned, looking like he'd snapped her out of a trance. She handed him her staff and haversack.

"I'll be right behind you," she'd said. "It'll be okay."

He'd _felt_ it, the weight of her words in his mind, an unnatural tugging of the Force. He stared at her as she walked away—whatever that was hadn't affected him, but what _was_ it?

Then on Ren's Star Destroyer, Rey had waved her hand at two stormtroopers holding them at blasterpoint and said calmly, "It's okay that we're here."

Finn felt the shift in their minds even from a distance, and he remembered the stories about the Jedi—that, among their many powers, they could influence the thoughts of the weak-minded.

"Does she do that to us?" Poe whispered in Finn's ear, half-joking.

He'd denied it then, because even the thought of it made him nauseous, but he had to be honest with himself now. She had done that to him—she'd tried, anyway. She had meant to mind trick him. She'd fully intended to control his thoughts, bend his will to hers. She didn't know that he was Force-sensitive, of course, but did she think that he was weak-minded? That he'd fold so easily to her influence?

She knew how he'd grown up. She knew how the First Order had brainwashed him, warped his view of the galaxy, and stripped him of his free will. How could she think she had the right to meddle with his mind after all that? How dare she?

The scar on Finn’s back twinged as he thought about it, the unnatural heat that was always there rising to meet his anger. He had been loyal to Rey through everything, _everything_ that they’d been through, and she’d done all but spit in his face and call him a traitor.

He deserved better. The thought almost surprised him, but it was true. He deserved better than Rey. He _did_ have better, he mused, as he looked at Chewie and Lando and BB-8, and even Jannah. He’d known her for barely half a day, but there was something there, some kind of connection, some kind of feeling. He knew better by now than to ignore it. He had Threepio, and Artoo, and Poe. And he would always have the memory of Leia.

The base on Ajan Kloss was thunderous with celebration as he disembarked from the Falcon. Countless people slapped him on the shoulder, gave thanks and congratulations, and Finn returned them politely, but he pushed past them as he searched for Poe. He finally found him at the edge of the crowd, surrounded by his fellow pilots. He practically launched himself into Poe, holding him tight, ignoring the wolf whistles from the other pilots. Poe returned the hug as best he could with only one arm, burying his face into Finn’s neck.

It really was nice to be appreciated.

They separated after a long time, but Finn kept his hands on Poe’s shoulders.

“We did it,” Finn laughed, a little hysterically, and added, “General.”

“We did,” Poe said, and grinned, his hand sliding down to the small of Finn’s back. “General.”

Finn looked out among the crowd of Resistance soldiers. They were separating to let someone through, and then Rey stepped out toward them, face dirty, clothes covered in ash and blood.

Finn’s smile faded. Poe followed his gaze, and his mouth twisted. Poe hadn’t had the highest opinion of Rey in the first place, and Finn knew that after what she’d put them through in the past day, Poe was more than willing to give her a piece of his mind. But he looked at Finn first. “Do you want any backup?”

Finn shook his head. “I got this. I’ll be right back.”

He stepped away from Poe, and let Rey approach him. She looked remorseful, all the previous rage and hatred gone out of her.

They stared at each other for a while. Finally, Rey said, “Finn, I’m so sorry.”

“For what?” He asked, crossing his arms, keeping his voice carefully neutral.

“For everything.” She looked down and twisted her hand in her wrap, which he knew was a nervous gesture of hers. “Everything I put you through today. I only wanted to protect you.”

“I don’t need protecting. I’m not a baby. I can take of myself.”

“I know that! I was just…so focused on…on…”

“On Kylo Ren?” He said. She met his eyes, surprised. “You told me everything that happened on Ahch-To, and I thought you learned your lesson that you couldn’t save him. And he, by the way, deserved no kind of saving. Rey, I thought we were in this together. I thought we were a team. But you kept running and running and _running_ , away from us, toward him. You ignored us. You literally _threw_ me away for him. And you _kissed_ him. Why the fuck would you kiss him after everything he did?”

Finn was barely keeping himself from shaking.

Rey’s eyes widened. “How do you know about that?”

“I was there. I felt you die, through the Force. Oh, yeah, I’m Force-sensitive, thanks for noticing. Maybe you would’ve felt me there with you if you weren’t so focused on your precious _Kylo_.” He swallowed, his throat suddenly dry. "I know you tried to mind trick me. Is that what you think of me? Do you think I'm so weak-minded that I'd fall for that?"

"No! I just...I wanted to keep you safe."

He shook his head. "You had no right. You had _no_ _right_ to try to mess with my head. You know what the First Order did to me. You know how they treated me."

"You...you're right." She stumbled over her words as she tried to think of an excuse. “And I’m sorry…but…I…I didn’t know…Finn, you…you don’t know—”

“I don’t know you,” he cut her off. “You told me. I guess I don’t, but I thought I did. You were my first real friend, and my best friend. I’d do anything for you. After everything we’ve been through, I thought you’d feel the same, but I guess not. You don’t care about me as much as I cared about you. And I can't forgive you for trying to mind trick me.” He took a deep breath, squaring his shoulders. “I’m done chasing after you.”

“Finn.” Rey had started crying. She moved as if to reach for him, but Finn turned away from her.

“Finn, wait.” He turned his head slightly, and saw that she was holding a lightsaber out to him. “Take it. Please. You deserve it, more than I do.”

He took the lightsaber, avoiding her eyes. He’d never seen it before, but as he turned it around in his hands, he knew that this had been Leia’s lightsaber.

He nodded stiffly. “Goodbye, Rey. Thanks for killing Palpatine. Take care of yourself. I guess that’s what you’re best at, isn’t it?”

He walked away, not looking back. Partly to show her how she’d treated him, and partly because he knew that he’d cry if he looked at her.

Chewie, Lando, Jannah, BB-8, Threepio, and Artoo had gathered by Poe and silently watched as he joined them.

“Did you guys see that whole thing?”

“Most of it,” Jannah said, and gave him a small smile. “I think you did the right thing, if it’s any consolation.”

Chewie grunted, and BB-8 whistled an agreement.

“She deserved that and more,” Poe agreed, throwing an arm around Finn’s shoulders. “Finally, I don’t have to tolerate her for your sake anymore.”

Finn laughed, and as he looked around, surrounded by people who really loved him, the hole that Rey had left in his chest began to fill itself in. In the corner of his eye, he saw several Force ghosts standing by the trees—Luke, Leia, a tall man with long brown hair, a short woman with her hair in an elegant updo, neither of whom he recognized. He shared a nod with Luke and waved at Leia.

“So,” Lando asked, bringing Finn’s attention back. “Now that it’s all over, what do you kids want to do?”

“I think,” Finn said, his gaze flitting from Lando to Jannah. “It’s time to figure out where we come from.”

**Author's Note:**

> And then Finn and Jannah turned out to be Lando and Luke’s long-lost children and they all lived happily ever after the end.
> 
> Rey fucking sucks and I genuinely wish she'd stayed dead.
> 
> PATCH NOTES: Just because I totally forgot about Poe calling Finn a stormtrooper when I first wrote this doesn't mean he gets off scot-free! Also, Rey trying to mind trick Finn? Throw her in the fucking TRASH. God she's the worst.


End file.
